Everyone has a problem with courtesy. We need to think outside our cliques of friends. We need to make time and the effort to call people and make certain they feel included. Within our groups, we need to go up and talk to those we wouldn't usually. Often, we do not make plans to meet somewhere. But when we gather somewhere, and we intend to stay for an hour or more, we should call other friends and include them.

I, along with other people, have felt carelessly excluded from gatherings. Within the past couple of days I haven't, but the past week I have.

I know that everyone is going through exams. But this is no excuse. Even if someone is in the middle of exams, they might want to spend a night or two not studying, and we should call them on the off chance this is true.

We are all guilty of this. Including myself. I am not speaking of specific "groups" that we all have, but the group that everyone calls their friends. We like to spend time with certain people. We all have some people we would rather spend time with than others. It seems that this restricts us all from loving the others more than what we should.

I don't want everyone to tell me I'm wrong. I've been thinking about this for a week, and several conversations have only strengthened this. Some people are not guilty. All the rest are only careless. You do not do this on purpose.

But you need to be aware of what you're carelessly doing.

Please don't think I'm angry or hurting or anything right now. I'm not. I'm actually quite happy over the events of tonight and last night, getting to spend time with my old friends and my new friends, and people who are becoming friends to me.

I don't want any vicous backlash to this entry. So I'm disabling comments. I only want to provoke thought and prayer.

Current Mood: content

Ok, so I haven't deleted this yet. I going through and saving all my entires, and it's taking a lot longer than expected.
Once I've saved everything, I'lldelete this.

I've started a new journal. But this time, it's a prayer journal. It's etimodnar
Rules: Comments are to be only in prayers, or to remind me of prayers, or to request prayers.

Please pray that I will not misuse this new journal, in the way that I have misused my old one.

ok, so, I'm going to delete this journal in 24hrs or so.

I need to change my life. Everytime I attempt to do this, it works for a few weeks, then I get lazy again.

LJ is not good for me. I need to talk to someone who understands me. Someone who is compassionate and forgiving.
Instead of praying lately, I've been livejournalling. I've been sharing my life with everyone, instead of sharing it with the one person who really matters. God.

24hrs will give me enough time to save all my journal entries on to disk and on to Richard as a continuation of my diary, then delete it.

I don't expect everyone to understand. But I'm sick of myself and the way I'm living. Mythoughts and actions. I'msick of this sinful life I'vebeenliving, trying to fool myself that it has no effect on anyone else.

This is between myself and God, but I hope that you will encourage me in this with prayer.

I need to change everything about myself. For the past year, I've made only a small amount of progress. But I'm supporting myself here, and I need to change myself. I look back on what I've done, and I find myself lacking so much.

I'm on a spiritual rollercoaster, and at the moment, I'm in a dip. LJ is just one small thing that is keeping me in this dip.

I don't think I'm explaining this well,but I was never good at that.

So after prayer group tomorrow night, I'm going to delete thisthing.

Thank you everyone for reading this passage of my life. When I die, this is what will remain. I hope people will have better memories of me that what this journal portrays me as being. that is; a stupid, selfish, emotional girl.

Current Mood: hopeful

Hello everyone!

Life is somewhat weird.

Church was somewhat disapointing. There was some weird guy giving the sermon and well... it wasn't to the standard that St Matts usually gives out. After church, I was doing some serious minigling. Then some of us went to Christ Church boarding house where Steve works. So we watched the Pianist on their projector coz Christ Church has foxtel! The movie was very good, i really enjoyed it. And it was pretty cool hanging out with people I don't usually. I don't get to see my church friends as much anymore. everyone is so busy with uni or work or maybe both. It's only really Tuesday after bible study and Sunday during and after church.

When I was going out with Brian, I saw them far more regularly. I would like to see them all more often, but well... there's not much I can do about it as I'm busy working too.

Doop doop. Working tomorrow. this joob is good. I like it. Oh that's right! I was going to rant a bit about belly dancing.

I went and saw Hilary's belly dancing thingus yesterday. She was very very good at it. Belly dancing is very sexy, but not sleazy. It's kinda asserting your femininity. There were many middle aged women doing the course or teaching, and although their bodies were less than great, they were still quite sexy. yeah, I'm not good at ranting. Hilary was very very good at it, and next time there's a hafla, everyone should come and see her perform.

Um, I bought some tea leave. Masala Chi. Very good tea. only $9.40 per 125g, as opposed to Jasmine green tea which is just under $30 for 125g.

Um, I need to hand in my unit application today.

One of the guys from church, Dan, his parents are moving interstate and are setting himself and his brother at the same house, but their going to make some changed to the house so that it'll hold 6 people. They're going to try and get borders living their. if I cannot find a unit, I might think setting up there. It sounds pretty good. but, we'll see where god leads me shall we?

Current Mood: good

Ok, work today was pretty good. I got there and was given orders to just clear away empty stuff. so I did that. by the time I asked for the time, it was 10:15. I started at 7. It felt like I'd only been working an hour (cept my left arm and wrist felt the full 3hrs as that was the arm holding the tray that I was putting all the empty glasses and what not on) Man, my arm was killing me. Anyway, the night wore on and people started to leave, so I had less stuff to clear, so I stayed behind the bar a bit polishing glasses and getting people drinks. these two girls kept getting vodka shots and were totally wasted. They wanted to get me drunk too, but the manager on duty rescued me from that. so yay! At about 12:30, everyone had left, and us staff were just left to pack up and set up for tomorrow. that was easy peasy, cept 4 of the guys on were from the hyatt instead of the Yacht Club, so they made things a bit munted. But still good! It was cool coz they were fun to hang out with.

we finished everything at 1:30, and our manager let us stay back and have a free drink if we wanted too. So all the boys got a beer, Bridgette had a double JW and I had a gin and coke. Man, that gin went straight to my head. I mostly kept my mouth shut coz I knew I would say something stupid, and then not stop saying stupid stuff until we left. as it happend, when I did say something, it was as we were leaving, which was fortunate for me.

So, work went quite quickley. I found at that my manager that I was working with tonight is a Christian. Which is very cool. I was actually working at a pretty steady pace tonight. Eddy, the manager (his name is short for Edwin, tee hee) told me several times not to wear myself out and that I could slow down. I found it amusing coz I wasn't overworked. I guess it was just that overworked was working at Fast Eddys, so now that I'm at the yacht club, they have different versions of overworkedness... yeah, that's a word... which isn't overworked at all, but kinda mid range.

Earlier in the day, I went and voted... but I'm not telling many people who I voted for. I didn't actually decide until I was in the booth, and it wouldn't have made any difference anyway. Oh well. After I voted, I called parents to see what they were doing. so I went to visit them up in Quinns Rock and took Laura to see Princess Diary's 2, which was alright, but still very bad. yeah, so, tomorrow I'm going to see Hilary belly dance and then go to church. Monday I'm not working so I'll bum around a bit, Tuesday I'm working till 5, so I have a couple of free hrs till Bibles Study, then I'm working nice and easy hrs until Sunday when I have the day off again. I'm looking forward to this week.

Current Mood: good

When so little people that I actually know and interactive with in life-beyond-the-computer read this lj, what is the point in making public entries private?

Seriously, Tom, Nic White, Hilary and surprisingly Matt read this lj. Anyone else whom I actually know and interactive with in life-beyond-the-computer who reads this lj, please just comment. Say anything, whatever, but just comment.

I'm doubtfull that many will.

Ok, Nic White, before heading off to hang out with people, realise that everyone else here, from Brian to Hilary, lives within 10km of each other. You live more than 60km away from everyone, an hour out and an hour in. That's a two hour round trip just to drop you off because you haven't thought far ahead anough to plan your day. Did you know my car does 550km on $40 of fuel? To drive you out, that's over 100km, and about $10. That's just under a quarter of what I budget for petrol each week. A quarter of my petrol gone in one night. I can't afford that sort of loss.

When I was at SCC, I tried to be friendly towards you. I got the impression that you knocked me back quite a few times. It was only through Ed, who gave you my lj address, that you learnt that I did actually have other friends, and that you wanted them too after reading their lj's. This was after school remember. What the hell is with that!? When you didn't give a rats arse about me in high school, you suddenly want to be hunky dory with my group of friends?

I know that you were hanging around Fast Eddys last week randomly because one of the girls recognised you from when you were there before and told me about it. You gained the reputation of being my stalker. Look, turning up while I'm at work is a bad idea! I have to work at that stage, I don't really have the time to talk. Anyway, I've changed jobs now to the Royal Perth Yacht Club, and am working in Crawley.

What I'm trying to get at is, a little warning when your going to rock up at train stations and expect lifts to hang out with people. When I first broke up with Brian, I learnt that I could not rely upon him for a lift. Even now, when we are friends again, I cannot rely upon him for a lift with very little notice, he has better things to do with his time. And that's just a couple of k's that I'm talking about. Given that your asking him to drop everything to pick you up, it's a lot harder to say no when you've travelled so far just to get to that point. I'm asking for a little planning on how your going to get home. No one wants to leave early when we're all hanging out. Brian didn't want to leave tonight, but he has work tomorrow so he had too. Lydon doesn't really want to study when he should be, but he manages his time so that he studys lots and hangs out with us comparatively little.

It's very easy to ask someone for a lift to the train station when they leave. When I was leaving, you could have asked me and I would have taken you. Everyone is very very busy at the moment, and we simply to not have the time to pander to your laziness regarding transport. Think Ahead. And it is uni term, so a lot of us cannot stay out late. Tom wanted to go out with everyone tonight, but he didn't as he has an exam tomorrow.

If we're planning an event a few days ahead of time, and you manage to organise your lifts and transport then... then no problem, hang out with us doing the planned activity! If we do something spontaneous and you suddenly rock up asking for a lift, not many of us are going to be happy. This happens with everyone. Where you live is a matter of evil geography, unfortunately, and until you are able to arrange your own transport, this is going to be very difficult. Sure, as you like to say, when you have your own car, things will be easier. They will certainly be easier. But until then, this is what you'll have to live with. Otherwise you might find yourself at Shenton Park Train Station, and all of us will be too busy to pick you up, or accomodate you at our respective houses.

Current Mood: peeved

maybe some people might be interested in this. Follow some links and you can listen to a song. Sounds good. I like it so far. Can't wait to hear more from them.

Hello everyone.

UpdaTE ON EVEnts. I acidentally had caplock on... and then etc haha.

Friday; I went to work, called Hilary and told her to get her Dad to drive up to my house. So she did, then I got off work and drove up to my house, then we packed most of my stuff into her Dads car and my car. Then Gene (Hilary's Dad) drove the car back to her house and left stuff in their garage, then we watched movies. Saturday I woke up at 11:30 and got the stuff from Gene's car into the storage place ($70 a month), then Tom and myself went up to my house and packed everything else into my car and took it to storage. Then I went to a friends 21st, but I didn't stay long coz I have my period and am only so patient right now. not in a big party mood right now.

So today, Tom and Hilary and myself went to the royal show, and then I left early and went to church, but then I came home again abnd now I'm here and I might go to a movie marathon if Brian will come coz he's the only other person who would go and I don't want to go alone.

so there's plenty of more stuff I want to say, but I can't be bothered right now. byes

I'm almost out of debt! Horay!

On Saunday at church, I was checking off other guys on my mental list of specifications for "Mr Right"*... I know, stupid, but... it means that I'm pretty much over Brian. So... horay!!

Tomorrow I'm seeing my parents... which I'm excited about. I don't think they know where they're going to stay yet tho, which is concerning.

I got knocked back from another lease application... but I'm still hopefull I'm going to find a place soon.

The Royal show is coming up and it seems the only free day people have is Saturday, which is the only free day I have to move out of my place, which is whatI want/need to do. *tries not to stress* Maybe I'll find time to go with my family, which would be nice. And maybe things will work out with moving out. I need to get my stuff into storage.

Anyways, I'm off. bye


* I know "Mr Right" is a myth... replace with "potential husband one day"

Current Mood: hopeful

My head hurts.
Um... I'm currently hanging at Toms house again whilst tom plays PS2 games ands occasionally leans over to see what I'm doing on his laptop.
My car is going to be serviced on Monday, and depending how cheap the dudes at Auto Masters can do it, I might get my cd player installed too. They quoted about $70... but that's a wee bit expensive for installation. They did say that I can get it cheaper at :insert random place here: couldn't quite catch the name of the place they said.

Tom's gone to get me a spoon! Isn't he precious!? Tom's a petal! He's a.... POPPET!!!

Um... my head still hurts. People.. come over to Toms tonight so's we can watch random movies!

I got my tax return yesterday and today I went to anz and depositted it into my bank account, so I now have $1400 in my bank account to be used to move out and pay lots of debts and do imprtant stuff like get my car serviced. YAY!


My head hurts some more, and it's hard to think of stuff to say when that happens... so... I'm good and have been good for the past few days. bye nows.

Current Mood: good

hello

life is going pretty good.

Mostly I am doing really well, like right now and when I was hanging out with Ali and Lise and last night at the Dev's house. Sometimes when I'm in the scullery just running plates through the dish washer, my thoughts will wander and soon enough, I'll be getting angry or sad or regretful.

I have asked forgiveness from My Lord, and knowing his character, he has forgiven me, but still... I feel regret

I am angry because on Saturday night when we all went out driving, everyone save Matt Lydon pilled into Brian's car. There were two cars. Six people, and only Matt willing came into my car. If he hadn't, I probably would have driven myself home. But Matt and I had a great talk which challenged me. Not the kind of challenging that some other people do to me, which is the kind that brings me down and makes me feel like shit, but the kind that is gentle and kind and with love. And comes across that way. It challenged me to avoid Brian. For my own benefit. For hanging around him, gives me opportunity to see hope when it doesn't exist.

So already, with the mindset of avoiding him, I am furthering to get over him. Knowing that I am the one to do this willingly instead of having it forced upon me, is helping to eradicate him from my life. I need to destroy all that he was to me, before I can rebuild the rumble and ruin into a sincere and stable friendship. So far it is working, I am thinking about him less. I am hopefull. I am also bored, because Brian is hanging out with all of my friends, leaving none for me. I will find myself new friends.

Hopefully after a few weeks or months, things will be better, and I will be able to hang around Brian without having to catch myself dwelling on hope. I will not hope.

However, I cannot say that I will not marry him ever, because once I said that I would, I didn't, and so nothing is certain. It is very very unlikely, but I am not commiting to anything.

Anyway, on to other news. Lise and Nic are dating. As of last night. I'm very happy for them and I pray that they honour God in their reationship. I pray that they do not make the mistakes that Brian and myself made. I love Lise and Nic very much, and I pray for them.

I have no plans for tomorrow and Thursday. Maybe I will go see the Dev's tomorrow. I was thinking of maybe seeing if I could borrow their house for Friday night and I could go there alone and pray with God for an evening. Then I could drive back in the morning, and still go shopping with Lise and Ali Saturday afternoon. It is a plan, but we will see what becomes of it.

I am good, because God has put peace in my heart. Maybe he will try to get me to stand on my own two feet later, and then I will struggle, but until then, I am well and feeling good.

Current Mood: good

my feet hurt.

But today has been good. Mostly me running a muck at work, but managing to keep the place clean and tidy, depsite Pete constantly telling me to stop clearing tables and just get cutlery rolled. but I don't know what he was on about coz I finished 50mins early and had all the tables nicely cleared and only spoons to roll. But rolling spoons sucks and everyone hates spoons. Boo to all spoons everywhere!!!

I think we should start boycotting spoons by never using them/not buying them. We should all eat soup with forks or sporks or with our hands cupped together. Or just drink it out of a cup. but no more spoons!!!!

Spoon.

On to other news, I have been missing out on lots of friends gatherings, but I don't mind much coz I'm working and earning lots of money. Besides, Frank, a regular at work, can do magic tricks and he says he's going to win the lotto soon and then he'll buy me an expensive sports car. So that'll solve all my problems for ever and ever!

Frank can do magic tricks. He had me puzzled for an entire 20mins until he left and showed me how he did it. It involved discreetly dropping the cigerettes when I wasn't looking. Pretty clever! He also works with convicts, getting them involved in drama programs and stuff. With puppets. He's cool. He's like my uncle John. Cept nothing like my Uncle John. But still cool.

Pete was saying that Frank never came in on Mondays, until I started working on mondays, now he comes in. He also said that he'd tried being nice and friendly with Frank, but Frank was always weird, but Frank's all friendly to me and we have nice chats about magic tricks and stuff. Frank's cool. I like him. I like the regulars, they always know exactly what they want.

So work today was good. I tried calling Brian to see if he'd pick me up, but he hasn't responded yet. Oh well, I'll try again soon.

But gathering with friends would be good. It's all this working stuff. I don't mind it coz work is good and fun sometimes. But I wish I could stay up uber late with everyone and do random stuff. I have to go to bed early to get up early the next day so's I can be awake and do my job properly. But... oh well. I get time with friends... just not as much as I'd like. But this is good, otherwise I'd get sick of everyone. :D

Current Mood: good

I"m tired.

I just worked for 12hrs and my feet hurt. Bleh.

Wasn't so bad. First 6hrs really sucked, then I just lived in the home-stretch state of mind for the last 6hrs. Got to do lots of prepping, which is basically standing around gossiping to other people prepping under the illusion your doing something useful. Bleh. Pretty good, getting maybe $110 in one day before tax. *yawn* I have to be at work at 7am tomorrow. Bleh!

Life is pordy good.

Last night Ali, Lise, Brian and myself hung around at Lise's for a bit. But then I got really tired (and I get really irritable when I'm really tired) and I had to work today, so I left before I could snap someone's head off stupidly like I tend to do when I'm really tired. But before I left, Brian initiated a hug! I know!! Truely amazing. He like... never hugs me! On monday (day we broke up), we had a hug before we actually broke up, and it was a nice long one, and last night I got a semi-long one. It was like... a bit longer than a standard hug goodbye. And there was little, to no, patting of the back! It was so nice. I really needed a hug too. So yay for hugs! That put me in a good mood.

Hmmm, what else? Oh, Womens convention was on today and I missed it because a) I forgot to enrol in time and b) I was working 12hrs.
It would have been very nice to go. But, oh well, no use crying over spilt milk.

And now, quick shower and bed. Oh, I have Wednesday and Thursday off again next week and I'm on Saturday. So weird... but good weird... I like having two days off! Nitey nite all.

I think, there's no reason to have my journal friends locked anymore, so... I'm going public again! :D

Current Mood: calm

Your sinful self must die in order to be reborn as a Child of God, pure and blameless.

Be holy, because He is Holy.



Ice Skating last night with Irene, Kelda, Erin (small), Nic and a bunch of other randoms was fun. I didn't fall over, and I got the hang of it pretty quickly. Maybe ice skating tonight with different randoms. Ice skating is fun. No blisters for me!

Current Mood: clean. Shower = good

Brian has remembered a dream of his.
It is about Judgement day. He shared this dream with Nic, Lise and myself.

Nic and I have had these dreams. Nic can remember 5 of his rather well. I can remember two of mine very vaguely.

They inspire great fear, great exciment and a longing for the day to come like nothing else.

There is a spiritual warfare happening all around us. We cannot see it, nor can we feel it, but it is happening. There are only two forces. The power of God almighty, creator of all things, wonderful, mighty, Holy. And the power of Satan. A force which many don't believe in, or would chose to ignore because "a loving God wouldn't allow evil to exist becuase God's just a big softy"

I declare to you all. My God is a powerful God. He is not a softy. He inspires fear so great, I cannot stand.

This has been the only dream that Brian can remember, and has freaked him out somewhat.

The dreams that Nic and I have had about Judgement day have inspiried us to work harder. When we stand before The King of all Kings. The high Emperor, The God above all others, will he know us? Will he say "I did not know you." For that is the worst thing to be said. Or will he know us as His obedient Children washed clean by the Blood of Christ?

Are you ready for Judgement Day? Where will you be on that day?

I am a Child of God. I am washed clean by the Blood of Christ. I struggle to change my sinful nature to one that is pleasing to Him. I recognise my sin. The Holy Spirit dwells within me. I know where I shall be on That Day.

When Brian was recounting his dream. I felt it. I felt the fear, I felt the awe, I felt the battle.

It has already been won. I wanted to drop to my knees and pray so hard. I felt the absolute power of God in the room. Not the soft power, but the hard and fast power. Like the double edged sword, I have felt the love of Christ, now I felt the Power of Christ.

My being longs for Christ to return to power. But until that day, I will stand secure in my safehouse of Christ. I will stand knowing that evil will be destroyed. There is evil inside me, there is evil inside you. There is evil everywhere. But it will be destroyed. If you do not belong to God, you will be destroyed.
I will not despair of this world. Because this world will pass away. It is passing away as the rush of the future passes quickly into the present, and is lost in the past. Your life is ending second by second. But I will not despair. This evil will pass away.

Today I will live doing my upmost to further the Kingdom of God with His help, in preparation for Christ's second coming. I will live today, as if the world will end tomorrow, and a new heaven and a new earth will be established.

"He will wipe every tear from there eyes. There will be no more crying or death or suffering or pain, for the old order of things has passed away"

Spread the Good News. Christ has come. He has come for you. He is alive. He will come again in glory to wipe all evil off this planet.

This is a burning continent. I have a ticket of the only boat leaving the harbour. My ticket is Christ. It is the only ticket. It is not my ticket, it is given for me and for you. Will you accept this ticket? Or will you live in sin and be burnt on this land?

Current Mood: Awefilled

If you want to be in on the party, leave a comment and/or add me to your friends list.

Because some people I know who read this lj have problems with what I think and feel, this journal shall be friends locked from now on.

Meaning; you can read earlier journal entries previous to this point, or you can get a live journal and get me to add you to my friends list, or people should stop phreekin complaining about my own opinions and views I hold.

So! I think this will be a positive change. Remember, if you can't see any later entries than this, it means you have to log in under your name to view them.

Current Mood: awake

( a letter to my friend Matt, explaining something of what I've been going through, and why I'm so damn happy to be over him... sorta )

Current Mood: tears of joy

( update on events )

Current Mood: ill